Monday, June 7, 2010

How To Really Spot A Liar

I was recently lied to. It was not a serious lie and it was not from anyone in my life that I am truly devastated that they would do so, but I was lied to.

I know that it is nothing new. I know I am lied to by people all day long. I know the 10 signs that someone is lying and so I can’t NOT know if someone is lying.

Most people lie to make other people feel better. I understand that. I have told people who look like they are having a bad day that I love their shoes when I really don’t just because I know it will make them feel good. I tell people, “of course I remember you” or, “wow, your haircut is adorable”.

But I never lie when I think the other person will know I am lying because that seems condescending.

This person who lied to me recently did so in a way that made it clear that she was lying- so it was insulting.

Even if was not a PROFESSOR OF COMMUNICATION the situation made it very clear that she was lying, but I am, by all account in our culture, an expert in communication processes so I could tell she was lying, and tell her the empirical studies that prove it.

But I didn’t. I let her lie, knowing that she would go on and lye to someone else the same way. So, to whomever she lied to next, I am very sorry . I could have done something to stop to cycle but I didn’t.

I think I will start stopping the cycle. I think from now on when people lie for no good reason when they know it is obvious I will gently remind them that I know the signs of lying.

If you want to do the same here are the top signs that someone is lying…
1) the look into your eyes and do not look away.
2) Their pupils dilate
3) The stand or sit with perfect posture
4) They repeat the same phrase over and over without changing the wording
5) They say very little (one word answers)
6) Have an adaptor or a tell (a smoker will hold a pen like a cigarette-my mother grinds her teeth)
7) Their voice will go up an active

Now you know. You have a new superpower. Use it wisely.