Ode to the Bear Bar
Where we squandered our precious youth,
With actors, roadies, firemen
And a Rockette from Duluth.
Not quite Hogs and Heifers
But not all that far.
Give us your homely, your chubby, your Lazy-eyed
Adam will let you dance on the bar.
A sea of bridge and tunnel people;
Vulgar, violent and loud;
And Kylie’s breasts with a bedazzled message
High above the crowd.
For all the pretty girls we offered the famous
bottomless cup of Bear Juice;
Perfect for persuading them to take off their bra
And hang them on the moose (not Mitch)
Bartenders famous for their repartee
And heavy pouring hand
Let’s not forget the night they smoked up
With Ray Charles’ backup band.
The smell as clear as yesterday
Our memory never fogs
Wet wood, beer, tobacco
And Billy’s disgusting dogs
We never did find our New Years Eve coats
Though we always kept on hoping.
Who says all beer coolers need to actually open?
It’s been 15 years since we left there
And we are all still kind of grieving
We all remember going to the Bear Bar
Yet none of us actually remember leaving.
So, how is this family values?
The moral is to embrace your youth and enjoy the memories without judgment. And never have more than two Bear Juices…ever.