Thank God My Daughters Have My Ass

Thank god the girls have my ass. It’s pretty great. Plus it makes me feel a little less guilty about all the other horrible characteristics genetic destiny has burdened them with. My twin 3 year old daughters have PDD, or what I like t call “autism-lite”. Each and every characteristics that the possess that classifies them as pdd they get from me, but back in the 70s and 80s kids who had these characteristics were just called “a handful” or “rambunctious”. My mother always said she hoped I got one just like me so I could see what she went through. I got two of me.
Carly Simon is the younger one. Like me she is highly sensory. Carly does not just want to eat the pudding; she must rub between her fingers and see how it feels on her nose. Her hugs are so tight it feels like she will break you…and mind you she is only three.
Sam Malone is a minute older. Her issue is social. She likes her world very ordered and controlled so dealing with other people is problematic. As we know, people don’t always like to be controlled…especially by a three year old.
Though these are by no means the extent of their pdd traits I am comforted by the fact that I am as highly functioning as I am. Other parents of kids at similar levels as Sam and Carly are also comforted by how functional I am. I tell them as the kids grow up they will learn to control many of their characteristics and become simply annoying. Ask Doug…I am annoying. But for each annoying behavior there is a pdd characteristic that is being kept at bay and that is good. For example, my back teeth are rotted out because during college I found I could sit through a lecture and pay attention if I had an Atomic Fireball in my mouth. The strong flavor gave me enough stimulatory input to concentrate for hours on end. Would I like a nicer smile? Of course. But I graduated magna cum laude because of the Atomic Fireballs.
I don’t worry about Sam and Carly. They will learn to deal with their lot with exercise, candy, cigarettes or whatever else will help…and very tight jeans.